How to Write a Book (12 steps, with pictures!)

Clickbait/WikiHow article title for the WIN.

No, seriously, I’m here to offer entertainment and encouragement. They both start with an e, and so does the word easy, so this is a good plan.

Step one is probably to stop caring. Don’t guilt yourself into it–it might kill the story altogether. Instead just sit down and write like nobody’s reading. I also suggest you dance like nobody’s watching, sing like nobody’s listening, and kick like nobody’s hurting. It’s a sort of not-caring where you do, in fact, care very deeply. You care so deeply that you don’t care that you care, and that’s step one.

Okay, so once you get down caring-but-not-caring, we can move on to step two, which is probably something like show up every day / do it for you / or whatever it is the fitness bloggers say these days… ack, no, who am I kidding. It’s show up when you show up, but do try to show up. But if you don’t show up, try again tomorrow. And do not under any circumstances “do it for you.” That is the worst. Instead, write the deepest parts of yourself for God to hear, for the quiet spaces of the world to resonate with, to scream into the night when the weight of existing crushes you and makes your joints feel funny.

Things have been simple so far, right? Good. Now I just have to come up with step three. Um… step three. Find people to beg you to finish your book. Find another set of people to shake their heads and discourage you. Try to prove them all wrong, because how dare they have expectations of your artistic achievements. I don’t know how you prove them both wrong–maybe write what the first people weren’t expecting, and write in general (which is what the second people weren’t expecting). Look at you, stickin’ it to the man. Society finds you confusing! You’re powerful now. Well, no, you really aren’t. But you have a dopamine kick! And that’s close enough to power for anyone, baby. Don’t want to get too close, it corrupts or corrodes or something like that. Surges? Who knows.

So, each step is made of multiple mini-steps, and this is a really poorly-planned post. But the clickbait title got you here, right? So that’s something.

….I told you guys I’d never write nice, organized, step-by-step posts.

I really don’t have twelve steps. Only three.

And even those steps don’t always work.

There’s really only one step, and it’s give your stories to God.

The rest falls in. He orchestrates.

You just follow along, even if it sounds atonal and weird to you.

(also the pictures were 0 help to any of you, also clickbait. but lloyd lloves you, so it’s okay now).

13 thoughts on “How to Write a Book (12 steps, with pictures!)

  1. Oh wow, this is actually really helpful (not that I didn’t expect it to be, but you know). Especially that part about not writing for yourself? Writing for yourself is a helpful concept, and I definitely agree with the ‘write what you want to read’ part, but it gets hard when you lose inspiration and you forget why you liked the story so much in the first place.

    • 😂😂 I’m glad I could help.

      I don’t know how to help with finding inspiration—I just try to recreate the feeling o was trying to convey within myself?

  2. what a process
    congrats weez
    you have laid out a step by step that worked
    meanwhile i’ll become too excited and work for days on a mastermess and wonder why it exploded

  3. OKAY ALSO THE LIL SHEEP is my fav :))


    Why do i use so many all caps when I comment on your posts lol

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