recent daydreams 05.08.21

I’m listening to Fresh Folk on Spotify (don’t hate me, non-spotify people. hate doesn’t become you) and wondering how best to structure this post. I think I’m going to actually use headings and pretend to be organized.

reading

As I said, I finished The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes and had feelings about it. I thought it was great, just as I thought The Hunger Games was, overall. The minimalist worldbuilding and lack of emotion in this franchise (as compared to other YA books I’ve read) is striking to me, as it seems to convey to me the gritty truth of survival. While I’ve never fought to the death, I’ve certainly been in survival mode before, and there is no room for the frivolity of feeling or flowery descriptions when you’re in survival mode.

On the other hand, I’m working through Tolkien’s Beowulf and also Frankenstein, but also Ink, Iron, and Glass. None of those things go together. It’s okay, I’m going to pretend that I have my life together over here. The main motif of my life, after all, is casting lines in all directions and then pretending everything is working well. Pretending is fine, other than the fact that I am a terrible actress.

netflix (used as a collective term for film entertainment)

The Unlisted. Can we talk about The Unlisted? The concept of having the dentist implant government computer chips into children gives me an even greater distrust of the dentist, which is great.

Also, The Bad Batch? Dave Filoni knows how to write Star Wars. I do feel that the plot of TBB is the plot of The Mandalorian reused? Just maybe? But I’m also deeply invested.

Also the Frank Sinatra documentary that’s on Netflix right now? Fantastic. The most fun I’ve had watching TV since the doc about rare booksellers in New York.

writing

Due to school, extracurriculars that I didn’t know I had, and my sudden desire to read eight books at once while the world burns, I have not actually worked on my in-progress manuscript that was previously going so fantastically. I did write a poem that I might post on here later, as well as formulate an outline for a fantasy story that is probably way too ambitious for me. But, get this–the main character would be named Solum. See? You already love it, don’t you?

I like the concept because I believe that Solum would not be the actual ‘chosen one’ despite his main character status; instead a side character who is currently unnamed would be the ‘chosen one.’ There’s magic and a civil war between magicians and historians (because obviously historians and magicians can’t get along).

I accidentally also had an idea for another fantasy story that I’m pretty confident I’ll never write–it’s about a prince who runs away from his verbally abusive parents and spends years studying to properly overthrow his own father’s government. That would be quite the revenge story.

But, first things first. I have to finish this other manuscript first, I suppose.

photography

In the realm of photography, my parents gave me a Soviet camera lens–an Industar 50mm–for my birthday (oh, by the way, I’m old now).

I mean, look how industrial and old it looks!

Here’s a completely unedited shot with the Industar. The grain and the blurred background please me.

Here’s a shot from a lake adventure, taken with a Nikon lens (cannot for the life of me remember which one). I’m not happy with the focus on it (the no parking sign is in focus instead of the entrance only sign :/), but as I’m using it for my phone’s lock screen, I felt that it was appropriate to include.

miscellaneous hobby things

My friend (hi, friend!) gave me Weezer’s blue album on vinyl, and as that is my favorite Weezer album, it is greatly appreciated. Thank you, friend!

My other friend gave me a strumbox ukulele which I used with my uncle’s amp yesterday evening. It was a cool experience. Thank you, other friend! Clara named this ukulele Flip, after the new BNL single.

To my pen pals, I apologize for a delay in response and do intend to write back. Forgive me.

Also, Van Weezer is out ❤

mental health confessional

I’ve unfortunately let some people’s perception that my not driving must mean that I am inherently lazy color my perception of my own medical condition and abilities/disabilities. I am well aware that I am well over the age when many teens begin driving, and that is okay. It is legitimate for individuals living with ADHD to struggle with driving. It’s similar for those on the autism spectrum (which my family and I believe I am). So, forgive me if I take it slow and try to get my current treatment options under control first.

If an individual with autism is fearful of getting behind the wheel, parents and family members need to understand the complexity of this matter. Don’t ever try to force him or her to learn to drive. Instead, offer your support, telling them you will be happy to help them whenever they feel ready to get their driver’s license and start driving. They will know when they are ready to take that big step.

(taken from https://ibcces.org/blog/2020/07/02/driving-car-autism-different/)

Maybe I’m finally coming to a place (years into this fight) where I can accept this area of my disability and deal with it properly. I don’t want to sound like I’m playing a victim card–I know that I am solely responsible for my emotional responses to situations–but it might have been helpful if more people had been supportive of the decision to learn to drive in a way that works for my abilities, instead of being nearly constantly berated by both peers and adults for what has been perceived as a failing on my part. I would also very much like to thank my parents, who have always been my #1 supporters, for remaining positive and encouraging. And also for driving me to the library.

(for the record, being socially outcast for not driving does not help with depression related to Rejection Senesitive Dysphoria).

Regardless of whether or not you believe that ADHD and ASD are real, if someone voices to you that they do not feel safe driving, it is never right to berate them for this. If anyone ever voices a concern like that, berating them is never the answer–even if there really is nothing to make the individual feel unsafe.

Okay, climbing off of my soapbox.

Um, yeah, we’re still pursuing treatment changes. Which, like I think I said in a different post, happens every so often. We have a plan that is mostly working right now. If anyone reading this ever has any questions about ADHD treatment, I’d be happy to discuss. 🙂

also…

…I got a new kitten! His name is Creeggan. He has a sister (that we may or may not be keeping) named Lola. He’s a tuxedo cat. 🤩

7 thoughts on “recent daydreams 05.08.21

  1. Amen on the driver’s license thing. I’m so worried about starting to drive because my ADHD is such that I will zone out and forget that I’m doing things and what if that happens while I’m driving?? I’m still going to try to get my driver’s license, but there’s no shame for people who can’t!
    Also your photos are so pretty and your story ideas are so good help! I don’t know if I’ve said this to you before, but if you ever want a beta reader for your stuff, I’d be more than happy to help out.

    • Oh, my goodness, you too?? I’m gonna try for a license as well, but I don’t plan to drive much more than I have to…

      AH! THANK YOU. And I will keep that in mind!!!!!

  2. “While I’ve never fought to the death, I’ve certainly been in survival mode before, and there is no room for the frivolity of feeling or flowery descriptions when you’re in survival mode.”

    weez i love you
    also please stay on that soapbox. i was in a rage last night because i was attempting to express how uncomfortable i was with how people treated me, even though it wasn’t necessarily wrong morally, it just made me feel terrible, so i went and told the people to cut it out. and wonder of wonders, they listened and asked how to do better.

    i guess the point i’m trying to make is that speaking up will always go farther than not at all. you have a powerful voice and someone has to listen soon.

    okay i’m gonna go annoy you via sms love you bye

    • Jo, you’re the best. I understand the rage and and delighted that you were listened to. ❤ This comment gives me hope.

      please do annoy me via sms 🙂

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